


Humanity's Strangest

by Ms_Moonshoes_Potter



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: But they love him anyway, Levi is weird okay, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 13:29:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9183685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ms_Moonshoes_Potter/pseuds/Ms_Moonshoes_Potter
Summary: Levi would like to say that he is a fairly normal guy. Sure, he holds his cups a bit weird and yeah, he may have an obsession with cleaning, but he maintains that he is completely normal.However, anyone else would say otherwise.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I use "Levi" 50 times in here.
> 
> I counted. 
> 
> Help. 
> 
> -Jen

Levi would like to say that he is a fairly normal guy. Sure, he holds his cups a bit weird and yeah, he may have an obsession with cleaning, but he maintains that he is completely normal.

However, anyone else would say otherwise.

Commander Erwin asserts that Levi is the weirdest guy in the Survey Corps, having known him the longest. Before Levi, that place was occupied by Mike. Once Erwin saw Levi emerge out of his personal room wearing a shirt that featured his own face, that spot was immediately given to the shorter man.

Levi argues that it was a prank gift given to him by his dear friends from the underground and it is the softest thing that he has ever worn.

Erwin doesn’t believe Levi and continues to mock him for it (in private) until this day, which ends as well as one can imagine.

Levi’s position as the weirdest guy is only further cemented in Erwin’s mind when he was seen playing with exactly 5 rocks on his lunch break. One has extremely thick eyebrows drawn on it with marker, one has an exact miniature replica of Hanji’s glasses on it, one has another smaller rock glued to the front, like a nose, one has grass carefully glued onto the top as hair but also somehow has an undercut, and one was giant with the words “Evil Titan” written on it in the same marker.

Erwin laughed for ten minutes straight.

Those rocks are still in Levi’s possession, sitting on a shelf in his room.

Hanji agrees wholeheartedly with Erwin’s belief, after seeing proof with their own eyes.

The first time Levi was caught in a humiliating position by the eager scientist was a few weeks after he earned a squad leader position and his own private room. Hanji had decided that a few drinks were necessary to celebrate his new high-ranking status. After reluctantly agreeing with only a little blackmail from Erwin, who also decided that Levi was in need of a drink or two, Hanji made themself at home in Levi’s quarters with two bottles of the strongest liquor they could find.

Honestly, Levi should have foreseen the events that occurred that night.

Since Hanji is, well, Hanji, they poured Levi straight liquor from one bottle and gave themself water from the other ‘liquor’ bottle.

After getting blackout drunk, evident from a total lack of memory from that night, Levi proceeded to sing the entire history of the Survey Corps to Hanji in what could only be described as a horrific mixture of country and rap, showed Hanji his rock versions of the squad captains and commander, had a 2 hour-long game with Hanji using said rocks, and left to go get a very asleep Erwin who then camped out in Levi’s bed.

Hanji could only describe the feeling they felt while watching the whole night unfold as pure joy.

Needless to say, the next morning was utter hell for Levi.

Waking up in his bed with his commanding officer was not Levi’s preferred method of waking in the morning. Nor was rushing to the nearest toilet to vomit out what seemed to be his entire stomach, but, at that point, Levi just decided to go along with whatever fate had in store for him 

It was after his hangover-induced vomit session that the man questioned Erwin’s residence in his bed. Judging from the presence of clothing on both his and the commander’s bodies, Levi thought it was safe to assume that nothing sexual occurred over the last few hours between the two.

At breakfast, which was more of ‘Levi-glaring-at-anyone-who-dares-speak-above-a-whisper’ time, Hanji gratefully recounted the previous night’s events to Levi, who could not recount a thing.

By the end of Hanji’s story, Levi wished that they had been eaten by a titan on the previous expedition.

Anyone from the 104th Training Corps asked about Levi’s elected position would disagree, when in presence of Levi. When he wasn’t within earshot, however, everyone gave their own anecdotes to back up the Erwin and Hanji’s belief.

Armin once saw the Captain walk into the stable, pet his horse twice, then fall flat on his face. When Armin rushed over to see if Levi was alright, he discovered that the Captain was sound asleep in the dirt. He then came to the conclusion that Levi was sleepwalking. Armin kept his distance from Levi for a while after that. And made sure the door to the boy’s barracks was very locked at night, in fear of a roaming Levi shouting at them in his sleep.

When Armin expressed his concerns about Levi’s habits to the Commander, Erwin laughed for what seemed like five minutes straight, then told Armin that he would look into installing a lock onto the Captain’s door.

(Erwin was not going to install a lock onto Levi’s door)

Mikasa grew slightly concerned about the state of Levi’s wellbeing as well after witnessing the man run face-first into not one, not two, but four trees during a training session with the 3DMG’s. Every time, Levi would stare at the tree for a solid minute, then proceed to mark the tree with an “X”. Mikasa assumed that the “X” meant that it was a tree that Levi ran into.

There are a lot of trees with an “X” on them.

A few days after the tree incidents with Mikasa, Jean was determined to find the Captain in a weird situation. He just didn’t expect it to be extremely easy. 

Jean witnessed the man have a full, hour-long conversation with a stuffed bird that was, apparently, named Tweety. It was a rather interesting conversation, Jean had to admit. However, once the conversation steered toward Levi’s love for cleaning supplies, Jean decided that it was time to put an end to the talk and cleared his throat to get the Captain’s attention.

The look that Levi gave to Jean was one that will forever haunt the boy’s nightmares.

Everyone was rather surprised at that point that Levi hadn’t been caught doing something weird that involved food. It made sense that afterward Sasha would walk into the mess hall and find Levi elaborately decorating a huge cake. And then proceeding to smash it to pieces while angrily cursing at it.

Sasha later denies that she almost attacked the Captain for smashing the cake, but Levi and Erwin, who happened to be walking past, know differently.

Once the story of Levi and the cake made the rounds with the recruits, Eren was disappointed that he hadn’t seen anything weird happen around the man. Eren spent the most time out of the recruits with Levi, so it made no sense to the boy why so many others saw these hilarious events take place.

Poor, naïve Eren.

His wish was finally granted one night after a long day of training. Eren still slept in the dungeon, which was totally unfair if you asked him, so Levi was the one accompanying him down that night. Eren saw this as his golden opportunity, just him and the Captain.

Once Eren was as comfortable as one could get in a dungeon, Levi apparently decided that going up to his own room was way too much effort. He then slid into the tiny bed next to Eren and fall asleep in what was probably record time.

Eren was stupefied at the actions of the older man. The fearsome Captain Levi was dead asleep in Eren’s bed and oh my god is he sucking his thumb like a baby?

Poor, naïve Eren.

For the rest of the night, Eren woke up at various times when the Captain would kick him, or steal all of his blankets, or spoon him a little too much. Eren was overwhelmed. When morning finally arrived, Eren was relieved that he could get far, far away from this awkward situation.

Except there was one problem. Levi would not wake up.

So poor Eren had to wait for one of two things to happen: Either for the Captain to wake up and unleash hell upon the boy, or for someone to look for Eren and Levi and find them in a compromising position, wake up Levi, and unleash Levi’s wrath upon the boy. Eren was not a fan of any of the options presented before him.

It was Hanji who found the two, about 10 minutes later.

Eren and Levi eventually made their way into the mess hall, Eren now sporting a few new bruises from the wrath of the Captain. When asked about the origin of the now fading bruises, Eren refused to tell anyone. Well, maybe except Mikasa. And Armin. And Sasha and Jean and obviously the Commander.

Despite all of these events, Levi still likes to maintain that he is a normal guy, perhaps the most normal on the entire Survey Corps. When the incidents are brought to his attention, Levi will deny their authenticity with everything he has.

(Hanji likes to remind him that all he has isn’t very much.)


End file.
